So I filled you all in last week about Pancho throwing around those three words that really shouldn’t be “thrown around,” so to speak. I didn’t really know how to react to any of this at first since I’m not used to guys being so forward so early. In fact, I’m not used to guys being forward at all. Usually, there is a series of ridiculous mind games that come into play before commitment is even considered an option. For example, instead of saying, “I’d like to see you, let’s go out together,” we just casually text, “What are you up to tonight?” That way we convince ourselves that we don’t sound too eager or desperate. But down here, we’re in a whole new playing field.
How do you draw the line between love and lust? Photo: Stuart Miles
Pancho continued to say “I love you” and I continued to come up with new alternatives to reply to this such as “Aw, I had a great time with you” or “Thank you” followed by an intimate kiss. I wondered, did we somehow press the forward button on the relationship remote control to skip out on getting to know each other and just having a good time?
The weird part is, I feel like my lack of reciprocation isn’t even turning Pancho off. I think he takes it as a challenge and seems to be intrigued by it. It’s like he’s wondering how many “I love yous“ does it take for Soltera to say it back? It makes me wonder, would he start to lose interest once he’s won me over?
Maybe this is all in my head but I think we’ve all met those people. Hell, I can be one of those people. The ones that want what they can’t have and think, “Wow, this person must be amazing if they are not showing interest in me and are so unattainable. I’m going to try even harder and then they’ll want me, too.” Wrong! Where do we get this psychotic train of thought from? That type of feeling is what seems to get us into trouble in the end, myself included at times. And that’s how I feel about Pancho at the moment.
So I ask Pancho out for a pisco sour or two because I decided a specific conversation needed to happen and clearly he wasn’t about to bring it up. I told him I was kind of uncomfortable with his level of intensity and that I didn’t think love was part of the equation yet. Not in those exact words, of course. I highly recommend sugar-coating things if you don’t want a drink thrown in your face.
Well, I’ll be honest, I could tell Pancho was a little hurt and offended. He started to play with his hair and look obscenely uncomfortable. I decided that this may have been the first time Pancho had a girl that wasn’t throwing herself at him after he told her he loved her. I even mentioned that lust is what we often feel in the beginning and often confuse with love.
“It’s not lust,” he said. “I would know if it was lust.”
That’s the thing about dating. Do you really know the difference between lust and love when you don’t have an objective view of the situation? Things tend to get a little cloudy. Well, what ended up happening is that I told him that I wasn’t there yet and that I didn’t know when I would be. Pancho told me he understood and that he’d still like to continue to date. That’s what he said at least.
It’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard from him. I think I might have bruised his ego a bit because Pancho’s usual routine is calling me on a daily basis, telling me he misses me far too often, and ending the convo with those three controversial words that began this dilemma.
Maybe he decided he really was “in lust” or maybe he just hasn’t come to terms with the fact that not every girl he meets is going to say “I love you” just because he did. Either way, I had a great time with him and I do hope to hear from him again. But that still doesn’t constitute love. Not in my book anyway.